Thursday, July 30, 2009
"Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God."
Have you ever gotten so bogged down in your own self-care that you actually do harm to yourself? For me this starts out with some well-intended books on organization or self-care. One book turns to two or three that I am reading at one time. Then I go to a seminar and realize that I need more daily meditation and that's my real problem, so I throw that in too. While I'm watching Joyce Meyer and getting ready for work I hear her point out that so many Christians focus way too much on themselves and should give more to others if they want peace. I agree and decide I want to volunteer some counseling hours to a local shelter today. But wait, my son has a dentist appointment at 9am and then I have a meeting at work at 2pm. I can't miss that meeting, because I was already late last time, because I was taking a lunch spa break, something my therapist recommended! Guilt and depression come creeping around the corner... I'm working so hard to take care of myself, why am I so tired and pissed off!!
Some of my best meditation time comes unplanned-- while mowing the yard or driving to work. This is when God has me silent enough that He can whisper some good wisdom to me for the day, and yesterday I felt step 3 pattering its sweet tiny feet into my heart-- give yourself over to My care today, I can do it for you. I was obsessing over the fact that I forgot to pack a lunch in addition to about 500 other things I needed to do. My sarcastic reply to God was, "What? Are you going to provide lunch for me today? That's what I need." His reply, "Sure. I'll take care of it." Now I am either so stressed that I am developing audio hallucinations and delusions of grandeur that I have conversations with God or I could just go with it. I stepped out on a leap of faith that the words I was feeling were true and that God really did want to take care of me today.
I finished up a string of meetings at 1pm and was starving and said, "Where's my lunch, God?" He said, "in the large conference room." I laughed to myself and walked up to the large conference room. A short distance from the door I began to get this wonderful smell of seasoned chicken. I walked into the room and there was a lunch spread. A cute little blond lady said, "Hi! Would you like some lunch? What do you do here?" It was a pharmaceutical rep who had come to speak to children's medical providers and therapists today (that would be me) and brought us lunch in return. It was a delicious lunch and a great presentation on a popular ADHD medication that I had some questions about! Thanks, God.
That moment and that promise fulfilled gave me such joy, just knowing I am NOT alone. The Creator of the Universe has all resources and wealth at His disposal to give me the best care possible. Often He places crafty tools in my head and hands that I use to do the work of self-care. Other times, He just reaches down those big sweet hands and does it for me. Every day. I just need to ask. Every day turn my LIFE and my WILL over to the care of God and things are just so much easier.